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No role or behavior is inherently gendered, but that doesn't keep some from having gendered connotations depending on cultural context. And those who are agendergenderqueergenderfluid, or any other non- binary identity can have a tougher time picking out what roles or attributes will align with their gender; there's less of a cultural framework to build off of there.
An additional wrinkle is that trans people may want to take on specific performative gender roles out of a desire to be read as their correct gender by other people, for safety or comfort reasons. It isn't always logical or predictable how people will interpret gendered cues, and there's only so much anyone can do to nudge friends and strangers towards making the right assumptions or using the correct language.
That said, it's common for trans people to incorporate certain roles or mannerisms into their lives that they might otherwise feel negative or neutral about because they've found that they work as a gendered cue that helps others interpret their gender correctly. A transmasculine person with a femme -presenting partner may say, "if someone sees me pull out a chair for my partner and pay the bill in a restaurant, those behaviors might make them more likely to read my presentation correctly.
There can also be a strange reversal of this performative pattern where the cis partner helps tip people's perception of their trans partner by how they present.
For instance, if you're a cis woman dating a trans guy who is not always read as a guy, you may find yourself dressing or acting more stereotypically feminine because, when you do, you'll notice you and your partner become invisible.
If you dress in a less binary way which could be as simple as jeans and a sweatshirt instead of a skirt and a blouseyou may notice people looking at you and your partner trying to puzzle our what "type" of relationship it is and what gender your partner is.
But if you, the cis person, have very obvious gender markers, it seems to flip a switch where bystanders go "ah, yes, a fine young heterosexual couple" and move on. There's a lot of not-so-good assumptions causing that pattern ideas about what are "normal" ways for men and women to look, treating straight couples as the norm and gay or lesbian couples as objects of scrutiny but it is a common phenomenon to be aware of.
It can also be a pattern to exploit in instances where you want to have as many factors as you can to cue people to read the trans partner correctly. Gender roles are where communication becomes particularly important; if you're hoping your partner can assume a particular role so that you or the relationship are seen a certain way, that needs to be something they're comfortable with and and don't feel forced into.
If you're uncomfortable with assumed or established gender roles in your relationship, the best thing to do is to bring it up, preferably at a time that's not emotionally charged.
Relationship between Gender Roles and Sexual Assertiveness in Married Women
Topics to discuss might include: Did you slide into that role through inertia or habit or was it intentional? If one person likes it, what do they get out of it? Can they get this through something else you can both agree on? When you're considering the gender roles in your relationship, remember that someone's preferred gender roles are not a referendum on their "real" gender.
If a trans woman enjoys having a "masculine" role, that does not invalidate her womanhood.
Consider that even for cis folks there's a wide range of gendered behaviors people can pick and choose from, both for themselves and what they prefer from their partners. The roles you prefer, the activities you enjoy, and the way you choose to dress do not invalidate or disprove your gender identity. The truth is that gender identity, gender roles, and sexual orientation are often independent categories. Identifying a certain way in one area does not automatically mean identifying a certain way in another e.
However, many people believe that there is a connection between those three categories, so they end up making assumptions about all of them based upon only knowing one of them.
- Gender Role Identity and Dating Behavior: What Is the Relationship?
- Dating and Gender Roles when One Partner is Trans
If you're cis and your partner's trans identity is known by some people, brace yourself for some very personal questions coming your way about your identity. Keep in mind, those questions are likely a small fraction of what your partner faces, but they can still blindside you if you're not prepared for them. Often, these questions will focus on your sexual orientation, and whether or not dating a trans person invalidates that orientation hint: Those questions seem to pop up no matter what your orientation is.
Dating a trans guy must make you lesbian! Dating a trans woman must mean you're actually straight or bi. These assumptions may be both rude and inaccurate, but are sadly also quite common. Journal of Psychology Tabriz University ;5: Influence of sex and gender-role on safe-sex behaviours.
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Dating and Gender Roles when One Partner is Trans | Scarleteen
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EBSCOhost | | Gender Role Identity and Dating Behavior: What Is the Relationship?
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